Does anyone else get extremely nervous and anxious when they have to make phone calls, especially important phone calls to official people? Yeah, same. Very much same, actually.
So, as you can assume, since I’m a college student now, I have to pay my term bill for the semester and upon opening my term bill, I found a random amount of financial aid that I was never awarded. At least, I didn’t think I was awarded it, so I passed it off as a random blessing of money to get myself through college. But as the young Augustus Waters said in The Fault In Our Stars, “the world is not a wish-granting factory.” That was not a random blessing of money. In fact, months ago in June, I was offered a federal direct unsubsidized loan and for those of you who don’t know what that means, basically I was awarded a loan which came with obvious interest that no one wants to pay—so I declined the loan. Well….failure on my part, I didn’t actually decline it, I just ignored it, thinking that that was what I had to do. If I didn’t accept it, that means I declined it right? Wrong.
That “random blessing of money”? The loan that I never accepted. According to some thread I found online about this same issue, Rutgers assumed that even though I didn’t accept it, I would later and would just pay it off later. Not the case at all!! No no no!! I looked up what to do about it but I had already paid my term bill last week and it was due yesterday! My attendance is confirmed so I don’t have to worry about my enrollment but money!! Ah!! I tried looking for means of contacting the financial aid office and found no e-mail but a phone number and fax number.
To most people, that wouldn’t be a problem at all, just call the number and try to get your issues fixed. All done and dandy with a single phone call. Not all done and dandy. I hate phone calls! I’m such a shy person, always have been and always will. Although I’ve opened up more and have gotten a lot more comfortable with certain things, like public speaking and performing (on my terms at least), phone calls with official people and higher-ups may never be things I overcome. They scare me so much! You can’t be silent on the phone like in person, because you sought them out and took time out of their day for this phone call. And you can’t show them visuals or anything you wrote down to help you because it’s a phone call! You have to rely on yourself to speak eloquently and just answer back and say the right things! No time to think, no time to ponder your answer, maybe you do, but when these things make you all anxious—you have no time. It’s all a heightened experience that I never wish upon anyone else. Maybe it seems like I’m sizing this up to be more than it has to be, but that’s not my fault! They make me super anxious and it clouds my brain and thought process and I just don’t like it. 😦
To make it even worse, my parents don’t even understand the anxiety and just yell and complain about me being ridiculous very openly in the house. Nothing like the wrath of your parents to make you feel more and more uncomfortable about the situation you’re stuck in!
I’ve tried to assemble friends to make the phone call with me but no one is answering or available to come over and help me which obviously makes my anxiety even worse. Why? I don’t know, because when you’re anxious and no one seems to be helping you, your brain makes everything worse for yourself and you just want to explode. So instead of exploding, I came here. Thankfully, this made me feel a lot better about myself. I don’t know that it’s made the inevitability of calling the financial aid office any easier but it’s definitely calmed me down so maybe I can attempt to make the phone call.
I apologize if none of this makes any sense and it just sounds like a ramble but sometimes it’s what you need to do to calm yourself down? I won’t be checking it over for mistakes, but when do I ever check over my blog posts. I’m a terrible editor for myself, not that I’m a good editor for anyone else besides spellcheck.
I’ve babbled enough, thanks for your time if anyone actually took the time to read through this mess. Hopefully after I publish this post, I will have successfully called the financial aid office and fixed my problems! We’ll see. Thanks again.
August 13 2015
UPDATE: 41 minutes later I have indeed made the phone call. There apparently was not much to be anxious over. Lesson learned: don’t do what I did. XD